It was a startling realization that it is not nearly as easy or quick to find a new home with the right features. For this to hit home I needed to come to a place in my life in which I had no guarantees that I have a room in which to sleep or food to be eaten whenever I am hungry.

This is my second time in which I am facing this, in the past I had a backup plan. Now I don’t have the backup plan. Yikes!

Yes, I currently have a roof over my head but that certainly only lasts as long as I make myself useful here in this space and as long as I don’t upset that other person.

Not surprising, I think I may be currently with a friend at the very least, but one who has expressed a desire for me to find a new home.

I am looking, for a bed and a place for my PCs. How could that be so hard? Sigh, the lower mainland BC has so many people scrambling for the same thing, a home…it’s astounding. If I must move away from my guardian angel, I will just have to deal. I was away before, and don’t know how things will go if I stay near. I do hope that things will finally work out in a positive way.

I miss knowing my prospects in advance.

I know that this all may seem like a woe is me but I’m trying to fix my life and whatnot and this whack upside my life trajectory seems pretty much like a huge hurdle placed in my path. Well fuck, it’s just another normal day for me in a long list of similar days. I know that I am smart but my smarts seem to have been compromised with foolish crap and now after the reboot there are lots of bugs in the OS.

What do I mean? Well drugs and sleeping with the wrong people as well as mistakes with relationships with the right one and those around her, I oopsed a lot. With a past and continued service mentality, my sub self desires more and to continue attempting to be back in her orbit as hers fully, caged or not, if that’s the cost of submission and orbit, yes please and may I kiss your feet for ever causing feelings that destroyed our burgeoning relationship in the past.

All things seem probable if not every solution is readily apparent. I know that eventually I’ll have something, where though I don’t know. Faith that a positive solution will soon appear is wane but there.

I love that I do still have hope.